The clock strikes four. Four in the morning. Every now and again I attempt sleep during the same hours as others.
I am not sure what, after thirty-seven plus years of living, causes the delusion that I am capable of sleeping when it is night. Tonight has yet again proven the theory that I am a night owl, as if there was ever a question.
The world seems to still around midnight in a way that allows a clarity of creative thought for me. The phone is not ringing and if I can stay away from Facebook and my other insomniac friends, I create. I plan. I conceptualize. I read. I think. I breathe.
When I have these rare moments of uninterrupted thought I plan projects in my brain. Right now I am working through a series of portraits in my head, wishing for the time to get them onto canvas.
The colors are planned. The brush strokes laid down to the rythm of music thumping through the studio dance across the canvas as color appears seemingly without my help onto the substrate. This soothes my frenzy that even though I am unable to work brush in hand, much of the trial and error works itself out in the virtual reality of my sleep deprived mind at what is now 4:40 am.
This is what keeps me awake. This pseudo painting that happens only in the studio in my mind as I lie awake takes the frustration level down a notch when I know I should be sleeping, preparing for a busy day tomorrow. Annoyance that I have neither internet service nor a computer at home is tempered by the knowledge that I would be surfing the interwebs aimlessly instead of lying here working through my mental list of ideas.
My next order of business is to photograph Cody for this idea of a portrait. I have this desire to capture one of his many mercurial expressions on canvas. Perhaps a portrait of one of my favorite ceramics pieces as a companion.
The canvas is prepared and awaiting me in the studio. The concept is sketched and saved here in my iTouch. Perhaps an all-nighter in the studio is in order. For right now, though, I feel better for having gotten this swirling morass out of my thoughts and if lucky enough just might get a couple hours of sound sleep in before heading to the studio in the morning.
My newly purchased iTouch is just the perfect amount of bedside technology for me. Withouth turning on the light to disturb Joel I have listed projects, sketched ideas, played a game of Bejeweled and now I write my thoughts. If I had that elusive internet connection I would be posting this via my Wordpress application upon completion.
The fan gently blowing a cool breeze across my legs relaxes me now that my mind is cleared. The sound is soothing. Artistic neurosis finally starting to calm.
The oscillation of the fan continues to soothe me.
I look forward to that first cup of coffee and bowl of Corn Pops. (I never was much for “grown up” cereal.)
With tomorrow, nay, today in mind I start to drift…
